So When You Are Really Wasted

Sana

Once upon a time, far away, at band aid camp I learnt the eternal truth ... because it was out there.(*heavy metal strains*)
Boys will be boys and girls will have sex change operations!
Why do I say so?
I dont know, you tell me.
You know I also learnt life's most impotent truths. (Ya, impotent is a typo, or that's what you think *evil fiendish grin* )
The truths:
You will get fat if you eat a lot.
Your underwear will smell after 3 days of being your most faithful companion.
Boys don't talk to you if you don't brush your teeth daily.

God only knows how the above text has changed my life for the better, I eat better, stay healthy and more importantly I feel good. I love you Mom. And Oprah.

If wishes were horses I swear I would have taught you to fall from them.
You see it is an art to fall from a horse 24 and a half times. That's what I learnt when I took up horseriding back in 1870. Though I still pass it off as an activity I am into!

And writing this is as easy as it comes ... just like cute French, non gay boys.
I tell you too much pressure, afterall between the two of us we are shaping the world's opinion about nuclear weapons and its effect on the coming generations (ya right!).
So like where were we. Horsing around, I remember. Don't wish I say, just beat the crap out of the one who has what you want. Or better still whine till the other party relents. The second option has worked for me to an extent that I have set new standards in the area of my specialisation.
Phew! Now I shall go and do something worthwhile like count the zits on Arjun's face while you go get a life.

*muah*

Jun

Have you ever wondered what a dreadful waste of time licking jam from the inside of your big toe nail is? Also, has it ever struck you that maybe you sticking a wet finger into an electicity socket is not exactly the right way to get a spiky hairdo? If these questions trouble you, don't let them. There are other precious wastes of your time waiting to be... er... wasted.

Like bouncing your head to some song on your mind, it takes little effort to shake your leg too. Here's an extremely cool thing to do - dance (or as the French would say - omlette du framage. Okay, they wouldn't say that, but doesn't it sound... cool?) Why? Because you can't sing jackass. Neither can you play any instrument. And everything else that you do makes you look like a putz. Get a grip of yourself, man. And of your toilet paper.

Eight easy steps to dance, and be cool:
1. First of all, get off your lazy arse and get onto the dance floor. Don't be shy. It's not a woman fellating for the first time (it won't bite). So move doofus, and get on the goddamn floor.

2. Now that you're there, and probably by yourself (heck, if you weren't alone you wouldn't be reading this gibberish would you... stupid virgin) find someone. This is going to be tough because you're wearing checks the size of Scotland and you've spilt your virgin pina colada on your trousers. But this is essential; finding someone. It is irrelevant if someone is already with someone. You're used to piling on as it is.

3. Hopefully, you are past step 2. Assuming you are with a person of the opposite sex (woah, I think I just complimented you) what you need to do is shake.

4. Shake anything. Just don't laugh too much. She's (you're obviously a guy) not a stand-up comedienne, and "Applause" is not pasted on her forehead in size 76 font Times New Roman.

5. Unless your butt is curved like the spinal cord of 86 year old Raju Chachha who last stood straight pre-indpendence when the days were good and old just like Demi Moore's breasts, don't jiggle too much. You'll end up looking like someone wedgied you with a hungry squirrel.

6. Talk as little as possible. No one wants to hear what you want to say. If you must talk, say something suave like "My cravat was made in Switzerland. I skiied there on my resort last winter with Angelina Jolie. She's nice." Actually, don't say that. Say "What?! You haven't heard of the Screwdriver?" and then proceed to spin around and round slowly reducing your height as it you were being screwed.

7. Don't look too serious either. She'll think you're a rapist. Did I mention something about checks?

8. Under no circumstances can your fly be open.

There children. Now dance. Or wait till we update this damn thing again!