How is it that you only find things at the last place you looked for them?

Friday, October 20, 2006

The Mighty Disease Post


The recent increase in the visits to the local quacks posing to be doctors has exposed me to a new genre of medicines and diseases. I am going to elaborate upon these right about now.No, actually this whole goddamn post is going to be dedicated to one such disease.

Appenisitis... the disease. *punk rock music on loud in the background*

Appenisitis is a disease that afflicts a) only males, b) only males with increased desires and decreased *ahem* means to fulfil these spending way too much time on the evil evil medium - the internet

It happened one night to a dear and close friend. No, not Jun... it is no longer funny when he plays the lead role in all our brilliant stories ok. Besides Jun has had a lil too much sand in his vagina lately *nursing a shiner in the left eye and the premonition that she is in for another one*

Freaks and others all gathered to help lil (muahahahaha) non Jun with his condition but alas, they couldnt do much. He was stuck with the disease and wouldn't come back, all because the night before while 'talking' to a friend online (he could never do better than that, tsk tsk tsk), he was struck with the disease. The conversation goes something like this

Non Jun: Hey sexy
Online Chick: Whatever
NJ: a/s/l please
OC: Loser
NJ: Ya , I wish we were closer too.
NJ: I think you have a faulty internet connection.
NJ: Did you know that the human brain weighs 670 grams.
NJ: You there, honey????
NJ: Honey?????
NJ: Faaine. Hmph! Go talk to the other boys. I will spring upon you my extremely useful knowledge when you least expect it... and then... and then... you will appreciate true lurve!
NJ: I have my headfones on now, talk to me OC . OC please see! I'll bring out another fact only for your ears! Did you know that the headfone is the singlehandedly responsible for increasing your chances of having an ear infection by 700 times. And all this while I went to get felt up by almost nude chicks in public swimming pools to get the damn infection... urgh!
OC: Dude you are extremely annoying. Just like the nagging appenisitis ache. I mean appendicitis.

But our dear NJ had already been cut to size by then, if you know what I mean ;), come on work those perverted brains of yours, sick nancies! End of another day, another story. Tune in again soon enough, to have another exciting round of trivial trivia, right here as you smell my filthy undies, you jackass!


Hello boys and girls. Gather round now. Uncle Jun's gonna tell you a story. It's called, "Why Jun the Lazy Frog Does Not Update This Blog On Time". It's an interesting story children, about a man who was dashingly handsome and ate lots of chocolat. He also liked the French language, French. Here goes children, listen carefully now.

He is lazy.

Now what's the moral of the story kids? No little Patwardhan, it's not "Shut it old man or I'll burn your testicles." The moral of the story is, one must not pretend like one is too busy so one can procrastinate. The other moral of the story is, The Unlike No Ones rule.

Hours of deep thought have brought out from the deepest recesses of my mind (four inches away from any point on my skull), the realisation that 42 hours of inter-state bus travel isn't something you should look forward with the same glee as say, sausages. Really. I mean if I had the choice I wouldn't do it. You wouldn't either. It's like paying a tonne for a buffet dinner only to find that the food was vegetarian. And three days old. Cooked by the watchman of the mortuary who moonlights as the Mexican version of Yan from Yan Can Cook. He doesn't make very good sausages by the way.

And then one would imagine that one would be fed up with just the sight of travel. But when one is forced to use a rickety auto-rickshaw in the darkness of five in the morning, on a road traversed weavingly by drunk truck drivers in a dry state, one knows that one has hit shit creek and the smell is beginning to overcome the dank state of affairs that presently cloud one's mind. Therefore, it is my esteemed opinion that all dogs be labradors and all meat be either chicken or beef. Whoopedeedoodda!
*are we there yet, are we there yet*
*is it the smell, or is that just you*
*how much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood*
*are we there yet, are we there yet*
The rhetoric gets to you like the inevitability of the rickshaw driver getting into a fight with aforementioned truck driver who, in his state of inebriation, crossed the thin line between just a stupid drunk jackass and a stupid drunk jackass who threatens a rickshaw driver.

Life is good when one knows how rubbish it can be for somebody else.
*deep thought*
*like the four inches between your skull and your brain*