How is it that you only find things at the last place you looked for them?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The Vagina Dialogues.


Ladies and genital men, presenting to you in all his titan glory… the one, the only Exhibit A *heavy drumrolls, all totally off beat and noisy*

Aah aah, please maintain a safe distance of 3 mm from the screen, this one is for real. Believe it and save us some time. He (we know IT is a he because WE KNOW ALL ABOUT SEX, its about time you gave in and stopped disputing certain basic facts of life. Hmph.) is found in the jungles of concrete often trying to get off a flying bat. Yes, he is dumb and he knows it. That is what makes him ‘oh fo fpecial’. Its all about crickets and bats for Mr. Taketake. Repeat in your head, taketake, taketake taketake *to fade*

Now that I have you hypnotized I shall talk about, rather give you a rather lame excuse at being away for so long. Mental constipation can last longer than you thing and the joke is that at the end of it, all you will get is smelly crap. But then again we can do with some 'odour' here in this uncivilized and unnineteeneightyfoury blogspace!

On another track that I can derail to, thanks to my super hypnotizing powers or the infinitenumbnessofthebrain syndrome that you all suffer from, getting a first job can be fun. Reasons for the aforementioned blasphemic, super cheeky statement are as follows:

1. You get paid… a ransom if you kidnap the boss’s mystery mistress (don’t count on it though)
2. You get job satisfaction… when you spit in people’s coffee and switch notes just like you did in class which is probably the reason why you are where you are *muffled smirks*
3. You get to be part of office politics since bitchiness comes naturally to you, you biyaatch… to sate your K serial Kravving that you miss everyday thanks to your shitty job
4. You get to think of reasons just so you don’t feel very bad for growing up because you after all you always did want to be a Management trainee for the first 8 yrs with ‘SomeGodForsakenCompany’/associate vice regional for the south east of east of west region for tampons for obese ladies/ media programming consultant’s left toe’s right sided muck as a child.

You can stop clinging onto the chair now, you might spoil it. It was nice serving you as always, please come back in 2012 maybe and it will be a pleasure to serve you again… NOOOOT!

Yes, we have seen BORAT and love it. Like duh.


You may be wondering why this blog has seen such tremendous amounts of inactivity, and why, apparently, owners of real estate websites and cialis vendors love our website. Well ladies and gentlemans, the answer is 42.

Over the last few days... okay weeks... okay months, we've been up to our necks in two things - laziness and more laziness. Now obviously the former cannot be helped. I mean, we never updated even when we weren't more lazy. But the latter is a function of the economy. Essentially, it's inflation. We just don't dig it. And some days, we even end up paying 100, that's right folks, one hundred rupees to the auto rickshaw guy who moans like a midget whore with appendicitis and takes us to "the city" (it's more a collection of varied size shops) under the assumption that listening to Gujarati music on a sucky tape deck at a volume that would make most dogs hearing impaired, is what we really meant when we said "Please turn the music down", and mumbled "you bitch" under our breath. See, the thing is, we really really want to update this thing, but we find staring at dogs fornicating and betting on which one's the bitch a better use of our time.

And now, a public service message from our sponsors.

Sometimes one wonders. Other times, two wonder. Teheh. *shoots self in head with blank round*

We have initiated a defaulter payment scheme via which said person who defaults in updating the blog contributes to the other's waist line. If you see two obese people walking towards you shoveling heaps of chicken kebabs in their respective mouths, fear not, it's just Sana.

If you're nice, he'll give you a bite. However, if you're really lucky, you may even get a french kiss.

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